More please!

Maybe this is a part of getting older. Actually really
showing us that he loves us. Like always hugging. This
boy can't get enough hugs and kisses. (Please never
change. Please be the boy who wraps his arms around
his mommy and daddy and lets them know that there are no two
other better parents in the world and that absolutely
no woman in the world could compare to the prefection
of your mother (ok, maybe that's a little much). Be the boy who returns the kiss from
mommy when being dropped off at school instead of the
boy who shuns her. ..) Ok, enough.

The cuddling moments are increasing. And for the first
time since he was an infant, Mr. Sweets held Logan in
bed and Logan fell asleep holding his daddy and we all
napped together.

Now, he has been saying dada and mama for quite some
time now. However, it's never really with intention.
Until now. He knows "dada" mean his "daddy". I know -
maybe late. He always knew what it meant when we said
it, but now he says it and points to dada. He asks for
dada and if he hears a noise when dada isn't home, he
lights up and says, "dada!"

Mr. Sweets is over the moon. My turn!!!

My mother in law is in town and it's great having the help. logan again instantly loves her. She's gotten him a plethora of toys - all sorts of wooden old fashioned cool toys. They're great. I will have to hide some though soon. It's get a bit overwhleming and it's always cool to hide something and bring it out later when the others lose their novelty.

Logan is melting her heart.

I've been meaning to post some pictures and brag about my incredibly handsome boy. So I will get to that ASAP.

Better go now . . . More later . . .

I wrote this on the 14th of August

I have grown excited about testing for ovulation and
such. It's like a fun project. So now that I am
officially fertile (at least I think so) I am doing
just that. Just doing some urine tests and saliva
tests. I don't think i will chart with temperatures
and all that, because I don't want to drive myself
crazy. (which is evident that I partly am)

Here's the strange thing. (besides me)

I started my first period on the 19th of July.
However, I just yesterday got my positive ovulation
test (urine). But, that wasn't enough for me, so I
also have the saliva test, which I got my positive
today instead of yesterday. Mr. Sweets and I had quite
a few "romative moments" yesterday. So, something
could be entirely possible. Time will tell.

So I don't know if it took my body a bit to realize
that it can ovulate again or what. I don't know that
stopping the pill etc. is probably taking it's toll as
far as normalizing my hormones.

I was so excited to get a positive on my OPK. Is that
weird? I was so excited to see ferning on my saliva
test.

I also don't remember ever feeling cramping around
this time, but I do now. I had been on the pill for so
long before Logan and when I came off it was just one
period and then I got pregnant. So I really don't
remember their being ovulation symptoms etc. Though, I
did have some spotting last week for a few days. That
was weird. I'm sure it's all just the hormones getting
back to normal.

I was expecting to get a period like tomorrow. Instead
I am ovulating. Unless the tests are false. I don't
know.

To be continued . . .

If I could just. . .

bottle up the moment and take it out whenever I want.

This morning after a long walk and a nap, Logan decided that mommy was of absolute importance. He came up to me while I was talking to his daddy and he wrapped his whole self around me like a little koala bear. Ten minutes went by and Mr. Sweets and I were amazed that this busy body was so content in mommy's arms. Then another ten and another ten and another ten. It was an hour of total bliss with my family.

He was so calm and so relaxed and just held me as I held him. Nothing else mattered.

These are the moments.

These are the moments that I live for.

Terrible 29's

Today, I am a 29 year old toddler. I am immature. I am right there with Logan on the highchair staring my husband in the face as I drop my food on the floor. And, frankly, I feel out of control over it and not so bad about it either.

My husband has been fighting a sore throat for a few days now. Today we have a Martial Arts class planned and clearly he cannot go. This morning, however, I decided (since he is not sick sick, just uncomfortable) that he should do the honor of calling our instructor and cancelling. To which he said, and I saw it coming, "But, I'm the one who is sick. You have to call."

"But, I have called everytime we have to cancel and I am embarrassed and I just don't want to call. I really would appreciate you calling."

In the end, noone called. It is now 2:40pm and our class is at 4:15pm. I refuse to call. REFUSE. I always take the duty of calling and this time I just won't. For whatever reason, I have decided to stomp my feet like Logan and say NO NO NO.

I don't believe either of us is wrong. I am just so dissappointed that he did not call when I really didn't want to. And I just will not call. I am on strike.

Here's the thing, though. It has done me no good. Because I am going to the class on my own. A few hours later, he asked if I called to cancel, to which I replied, "No. I will not call again. I have called everytime and I wanted you to call so I will just go myself."

"You're going to go by yourself?"

"Yup."

He got out of it. He didn't have to call and he doesn't have to go to class. He got his way.

I am the one who is going alone because I am too st st st. I can't say it, because I don't want to admit that I might be stubborn. There I said it.

Am I though? I don't know. But, inside I am throwing this fit. I will not call.

Now he has buzzed me and wants to know if I would like to go get something to eat with him.

Well, seeing as how class is in less than two hours. Are you going to call and cancel??? Well, are you?

It's too close to class time to cancel and I would feel bad. But, I am just so irked that he would not call.

My dad always comes in handy with things like this. Always a great release. So I dialed his cell and dumped my frustration. He understood. Little things like this really stir me up. Stupid I know. And these are what 99% of our little tiffs are. They never amount to anything. I don't know what it's all about. Maybe because we don't have anything REAL to argue about?

So then Mr. Sweets (mmm, no, Mr. Irritating) talks to my dad and asks if I am mad. Well, I'm glad he noticed that much. My dad agrees with me (for whatever reason, oh yeah, he's the designated canceller in his marriage), but is staying out of it. Good idea.

To eat or not eat. That is the question.

Words Cannot Express

Well, apparently so for my 15 month old. Today he is 15 months and I think his most important word is "uh". Said with much intensity and determination. Though, he can also say "ma ma" "da da" "dog" "woof woof" "vroom vroom" "uh oh" and knows his toes, his most crucial word is "uh". He has somehow learned that this grunt will eventually get him what he wants after mommy and daddy play the guessing game. He does point to things, but sometimes we just don't get it.

Words also can't express my love for this little person. We cut his hair today. I should take a picture. I don't think Mr. Sweets and I would quailify for a position at Super Cuts, but it serves it's purpose. Logan should now not be mistaken as a girl (although I'm sure he will with that pretty face) and I think he felt really good without those long bangs across his forhead.

Today was one of thoe days where we were all in the zone. One of those laughy, giggly, happy, life is great mood days. Everything was just right and just as it should be.

Mr. Sweets and I had our Martial Arts class today. One of two each week. Our instructer was telling us that soon we will be ready to test for the next level belt. I thought to myself as he discussed the progression of levels: What happens if I get pregnant? Can I do kicks? Can I spar? Can I jump rope? Can I do the push ups?

And what of our dance classes? Will it all still go on? I don't see any reason why dance shouldn't continue. I can see some reasons for maybe modified versions of Tung Seudo (sp?). Afterall, I did spinning and weight training up to the last couple of weeks with Logan and then I went on to the Elliptical. (Not that it looked it by any means.)But, at least I felt in pretty good shape for having gained 40+ pounds.

Again, there is no telling how long it will take. It could be next year, it could be next month. But, these are the thoughts I have now. And I like it.

And Pithy! I know I should share the name, but . . . Well, I don't know why, but I feel a but. I will share though . . . just don't know when.

It could happen.

Ok, now that we have given ourselves full permission
to just see what happens, I have ignored that I am on
the white beads of the Cycle Beads (meaning that it is
likely I could get pregnant on these days). Although,
I don't think I have ovulated or will ovulate this
month. I don't even know if it was a real period I got
or if it was just bleeding for 2 weeks caused by
starting the real pill. But, now that I am off I guess
we will see. Because I may not have gotten my period
before because I was on the mini-pill. I just don't
think that my one a day nursing session for maybe 5
minutes could really keep it away. But, it is likely.
Some days I don't even nurse at all. Only time will
tell. Only 14 more days will tell.

Anyway, the point of this was to say: We are getting
excited. In fact, last night I picked out a name. I
know. I know. A bit premature. Seeing as how a. I'm
not yet pregnant. b. Boy or girl? Who knows. But, I
have a name. And this morning I told Mr. Sweets and he
couldn't help but smile and love it.

I really had all these thoughts going on in my mind.
People saying, "You gotta start trying when he's one."
or "No! Wait till he's almost two. They should be 2
1/2 years apart." "Really you should wait till he's
3."

All this "advice" and really none of it matters. It
just doesn't. Should I get pregnant now or next month,
yeah they'll have birthdays right around the same
time, but it's up to me to make it special. I mean
twins have the same birthday, right? Anyway, this is
all premature and it may take me months. I just know
that we are ready for whenever it is to be.
(Even if I am at my skinniest weight yet and have to
gain it all back.) I must say, I am thankful for the
breastfeeding. Can they bottle that up as a weight
loss drug?

Ah. I just feel excited about it. I get excited when I
am with families with lots of kids or when I am with
adult siblings and their parents. I think of the day
that we are with our children and they are grown. I
think of Logan with a little brother or sister. He is
so happy with other kids and I just can't wait to have
more.

Maybe because I was an only child, I am super excited
for all the craziness it will entail. I look forward
to missing shoes and who took what squabbles. I think
of bath time with two and how much fun it will be. I'm
just so proud of Logan and everything that he does.
It's so exciting to think that we will do it again.

I think it also helps to know that I've got a pretty
good knack at this whole mom thing. I'm pretty proud
of myself. Mr. Sweets and I both are.

You're supposed to do the things you're good at,
right? Well, then...

We'll keep on adding.