I'm getting really bad at this. And "weighting" is hard.

I used to be so dedicated to my writing. Whether it was just creative stuff, poetry, short stories, a book. Now I am just downright slacking. I can't even keep a regular schedule on my blog.

I'm a bit scared to think what will be become of this journaling when the baby comes.

Thursday is the day that we stick that familiar doppler on this ever so fast growing tummy and hear that magnificent horse stomping sound. I'm so excited and yet, so selfishly, I can't help but worry what that damn doctors' scale will say. They've got these fancy shmancy real accurate digital ones now and shoes MUST be worn at all times.

I know it is incredibly selfish and my adoring husband keeps reminding me how worth it it is, and it is. I know this. But, for some reason this time it's harder to just watch myself get all bloated like. I really am waiting for my belly to get the pregnant look. Not the "I ate too much this weekend" look. Naked, it looks preggers. With clothes - there is not much of a division anywhere and I just feel like a round plump ball.

Only 12 weeks and I am already sporting this bump. I think I didn't get this bump until a few weeks later with Logan.

After Logan I'd lost weight so quickly. With breastfeeding, not too much sleep and all the rest, it really did just come off so easily. Then I excercized and got back into shape. I ended being at 110, which was about 15 pounds less than when I first got pregnant with Logan. I thought I was in pretty good shape then. So to get to like my lowest weight ever and to be so healthy and now to watch it all creep back up. I am eating healthy, but I must say - I am so hungry. Like two hours after I eat I am so famished, it's as if I was contesting on Survivor and I was on the 37th day.

Time is going by so quickly. With Logan, there was a countdown to every doctor visit. Now, I am questioning how 4 weeks can already have gone by and we are already due for another visit.

I am so excited though. I am feeling great. Still tired. But, no more nausea. There have been a few moments though that I get up in the morning and I go to get my sweet smiling freshly rested boy from his room and I get a bit sad. Or maybe I should say nostalgic. I think that these days are numbered. These days where our compelte attention is driven to him. Breakfast in the morning is about him. Stories, bath time, walks, the park. It's all for him. I just started feeling a little guilty that soon the attention would be shared. Though, I am so excited for them to meet and to have this great realtionship, I think of the first weeks and how the adjusting time will be. I just want Logan to feel more loved than ever during this time. He is our little angel bug. We will do everything to make him continue to feel this.

And then I'll switch. I think of the future and I think of the special gift that this is.

I begged my parents for a sibling. All the time. And though I am so grateful for my upbringing and my relationship with my parents and feel I wouldn't change it for anything, there are times that I wish I had someone. An aunt or uncle for Logan.

I have wonderful friends that are referred to as aunt and uncle, which is great. But, I will admit, the desire does creep up sometimes.

Whew! How's that for a blog?

Well, now that my little Logiepop is sleeping after a very joyous book reading and smother of wet drooly kisses, I think I will go put some laundry away and join my husband for some TLC.

Hardest Job You'll Ever Love

The cycle.

For me it began with:

"If only I wasn't naseaus."

then

"If only my stomach were big and not my whole body."

then

"If only I would go into labor."

then after delivery

"If only it didn't burn so much when I pee."

then

"If only everything didn't make me cry."

then

"If only my nipples weren't raw and hurting like a "mother"."

then

"If only he'd sleep through the night."

then

"If only he'd start walking, then I wouldn't have to carry him as much."

then

"If only he didn't weigh so darn much, cause I'm carrying him just as much."

then

"If only he'd start talking and stop whining."

then

"If only I could go back to the day he was born and cradle his tiny being in my arms one more time."

It's a hard job being a parent. But, the amazing thing about it is that when you look back, there is something so easy about the hardest job you'll ever love.

Time to update.

Let's begin with the warm fuzzy stuff. We saw our beautiful baby last week. Last week? Maybe it was more than that. Anyhow, we saw the baby and the very fast heartbeat. Logan's was about 135 or so and this baby was a strong 165. It is so strange and so wonderful to see this totally new being inside of me. I mean that was Logan's little spot. That's where he hung out for 9 months and now there's this different looking body with little flippers, hanging out on a different side. Our first look at Logan was a side profile and it was the cutest ever! This baby was head on, looking right at us.

And let me say that my stomach is growing quite fast. Though I am about 12 pounds lighter at this stage than I was with Logan, I am much bigger already. How is that my stomach has grown so much in 2 weeks? So the doctor said it was normal that you show earlier with subsequent pregnancies. Well, she's right in my case. I thought I sprouted early with Logan at 3 months.

So I am in the doughy stage. The not yet taught tummy. The tummy that has sneakliy subtracted from my best assett - the waistline. So big shirts and empire waisted styles azre serving me well right now.

A lady once told me that she was an addict for coffee, but that once she became pregnant, she no longer craved it and in fact despised the smell of coffee. She credited this to your body knowing exactly what it needs and what it should not have.

In my case, my body is telling me to have wine (of course, I am not having it), sushi, rare steak and smoked salmon. I am absolutely craving all that I shouldn't have or even more sadly, absolutely can't have.

And even though, it is so completely worth it and I could never understand why anyone should even care so much as anyone pregnant is just so lucky to be so. For some reason this time, I really miss this stuff.

I am so excited about being pregnant again, despite the wretched nausea and fatigue. I am so excited for the delivery and to hold this precious angel. I am so excited that our family will be of four.

And strangely enough, I think I am excited not to be pregnant again after that - EVER. Ah! Did I say that? I used to think that I would be so sad when I knew it was my last pregnancy, but I kinda feel ready for this to be my last. Mr. Sweets and I have really thought about 3 and pretty much planned on 3 being our number. But, I have to say, we are getting pretty cozy and happy about 2 kids. It seems more us. It seems to fit our life. I just feel like we are people who want to travel alot and it would be so great and so much easier with four of us. I feel like I am ready for my body to mine again. I will be in my 30's and as selfish as it is, I want to look good and feel good and do triathalons and committ myself to being in great shape for the rest of my life.

There is a certain independence that comes as Logan gets older. At this age, he is on such a great schedule, he's easy to take places. He's great with our babysitter and with our parents. So it's great for us to go out as a family and it's equally great for my husband and I to have dinner, go dancing, do fun stuff together - just the two of us. I just think it would be alot easier to maintain that kind of stuff when it is just 2 kids.

Who knows what will happen? But, those are our thoughts. Although, if we have another boy, I think my husband will really want to try again for a girl as he says. We'll see. I can't think of anything better than 2 close boys or anything better than a girl and a boy. They are equally as great. Equally a blessing.

Anyway, other brief updates. Mr. Sweets and I had a romantic get away. One night away. We stayed at a great hotel, where they greeted us in our room with a bottle of Cabernet. Now, that's just mean. You'd think I was a wino, but I probably only had 2 glasses a month on average before getting pregnant. But, I crave it! Anwyway, the room and weekend was awesome. My first night away from Logan. He stayed with my parents, where my mother said and I quote "We are having such a great time, I never want to leave." So she had this amazing time babysitting the whole weekend. It was awesome and really did my heart good.

Next up? Friends invited us to Santa Anita Race Tracks this weekend, so we will be off for another getaway. Two weekends in a row! So they are set again for another weekend with Logan.

Oh and we cut the boy's hair again. But, daddy made an accidental huge chop on one of his sideburns. Not too cute. But, the rest turned out pretty good. (thanks to mommy).

I need to post some pics - 1 of the growing (bloated) belly), 1 of the chopped haircut, 1 of the new sibling and I can't finish, I really have to go pee now.