2 Dogs, 1 Cat, 1 Bird and a Son Named Logan

Victoria Real Estate

2011-06-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

In all my days, I have never felt the rush of excitement as I did when I first experienced the atmosphere of Victoria Chinatown. Trying to describe the charm and beauty of this area is an act of total futility. Can you imagine elevated pathways and coloful shops and just plain ingenious architecture? This place is like no other on the planet. I am now in a severe dilemma. I won't be able to have any peace until I am able to purchase my own Victoria real estate.

Exhausted. And updates.

2007-01-12T12:25:00.000-08:00

There is so much I should be doing right now that Logan is napping. So what did I do? Make chocolate chip cookies and plop myself in front of the computer to write.

I did catch up a ton yesterday, but I have a big pile of Christmas stuff that still needs to be packed away. It's all down and waiting and the fake tree is still standing. Pathetic, I know. Next year, with two kids, it is likely that the decorations will be down by spring maybe. That is, if they even make it up in time.

I'm just sooo tired right now. I honestly think if I fell asleep and had the opportunity, I would sleep till tomorrow morning.

I'm still a bit ircked about the MIL situation, but I'll soon get over it. I used to say that I was lucky to have a good MIL. And she is pretty good. But, this last time, her woes and same old stuff really got to me.

Anyway, on to some updates.

Logan is 20 months old. He is ever so quickly becoming the independent toddler. Aside from the days his grandmother was here, he's been great. A really fun, outgoing and determined little boy.

Not sure if I even wrote about this yet, but when he turned 19 months old, he started climbing out of his crib. My husband and I woke up to the sounds of "Dada, Mama, Oggies (doggies)" and a little munchkin standing at the foot of our bed with his bear. It was so adorable. We didn't know how to react, so we did what came naturally. We helped him climb into bed and we laughed and marveled at how clever he was. Next couple of days we panicked as to what we should do. His room has hard wood floors and I think he is just a bit young to be wandering around the house.

We opted back and forth between turning his bed into the toddler bed with a safe rail, but then he'd still get out just much easier with little risk of a bad fall. We thought of locking his bedroom door, but that just seemed mean. And then we came to our decision. We knew he was much too young and not ready for a big boy bed. He rolls around to much and everything we read and everything doctors were saying was that he would be ready closer to 3 years when they don't move around so much. Now he makes full rounds around that crib. Plus it was nice to have him sit and talk to himself for a half hour or so when he wakes up while I get my bearings and wake up myself. And the biggest thing is that with a new baby coming, we just know that we want everything to stay the same for him. No big changes for at least 4 to 6 months after she's here. That includes starting potty training and pre-school and of course, a new bed.

So we went for the crib tent option and he helped us put it up and we made it a big celebration and told him how cool it was. Now every morning he wakes up says, "tent, tent" while smiling and pointing. So it worked out great for us.

Last week he kneeled down and grunted - an obvious sign of poop in progress. Then he stood up and said "Poo poo!" followed by "Dih po" (diaper). We were so proud that he recognized when he pooped. So that was a big deal. I love celebrating poop.

His talking is really progressing - to the point that he gets very frustrated when he can't quite say the right word or when he is saying something and we are just not getting it. This has been the bud of most tantrums. The smallest thing can set him off.

We've also started a discipline plan and he's doing well with it. Supernanny would be proud. He went through a very brief phase of hitting himself in the head and sometimes on the wall when he was frustrated or angry. So we just simply ignored it and he stopped. But, then it became a hit on us if we pick him up and have to leave somewhere or do something he's not quite ready to do. So when he does that, we take him to a time out for a minute and a half. We tell him that we do not hit and after the time out it's loves, hugs and kisses and he's always so happy. So for an agressive behavior like that, it's an immediate time out.

As soon as he turns two and maybe sooner depending on his readiness we are going to implement the 1 2 3 Magic technique. For now we just give a warning if he's doing something that is inappropriate or dangerous and usually he'll stop (not happy about it), but he stops. If it turns into an angry tantrum, we simply ignore it and he stops when he sees it gets no attention.

Overall, we feel good about our plan.

Other than that, he continues to bring continuous joy. He really loves watching old home videos of himself as a baby. He's such a big boy now. Making decisions. Riding all the big boy slides. Running around. Naming everything he sees. Playing pretend. All the good stuff. He points to my belly and says "Bebe!!!" Then he'll point to someone else's and say the same thing. I don't think he will get it till the day comes.

And speaking of our baby girl. I know I need to post pictures. I will find the time to upload them from my camera.

She is doing great. Getting stronger and stronger. In fact, just yesterday I was amazed at the rolling and kicking and all sorts of things she was doing. 2nd time and still equally amazed.

Almost 24 weeks. It is going by trememndously faster than the last time. I think I only have like 3 preggo pics. Yikes! But, that's being mom I guess. The time just isn't there. The most time I take for myself would probably be right now. Just writing.

Which reminds me, I gotta go fold some laundry and get my grocery list ready. Got lots of errands today once Logan wakes up.

Maybe there's time for another cookie too. Hmmm.

AHHHH! (for lack of a better word)

2007-01-11T15:12:00.000-08:00

Amidst all the catch up work I have to do, not to mention just personl stuff, I find myself needing to journal.My mother in law just left town. Can I just say ....

THANK YOU!!!!

I know that is horrible, but my wonderful husband and I were so desperate for this day and I think it began almost from the moment she got here. Not sure what it was this time. Usually it is my husband that is much more irritated than I. But, this time, I joined the misery party. I just couldn't tolerate as well as I usually can. I couldn't focus on all the positives. And there are many positives, but there are also MANY negatives. And this deemed a serious problem this time for my sanity.

In the past, with each visit my mother in law makes, something in the household goes wrong. Whether it is smoke detectors going off randomly, faucets not working, animals acting strange, weird experiences with people around us - just stuff.

With most visits, something happens with the animals. Like the dogs throwing up or like the time Molly got kennel cough. This time, we've had a few big inconveniences. First off, Logan was not his usual self. He would get very unhappy very easily and this was not what we were used to. Granted, he IS a toddler and has a few toddler moments and tantrums a day. But, they are usually very short-lived and he is easily consolable and responds to discilpine very well.

Enter grandma from Alabama. Since she got here, his once healthy appetite was gone. His whining kicked in to the tune of a child I don't even know. His temper has heightened. He did this weird cry one day while we were out and fussed about everything we did. Just not his usual easy to please self. Did turning 20 months with new developmental frustrations kick in the exact moment she arrived? Oh and because of all this extra energy he is exerting telling us how unhappy he is, he's napping like 3 hours, which he hasn't done since he was like 6 months old. (which of course is not something to complain about - just interesting) Now he's back to about1 1/2 to 2 hours.

Next.

Worms and moths. We got meal moths and worms in our pantry and had to empty everything. We had to throw food away (like throwing money away) and then we had to wash down the whole pantry with bleach and ziplock all good food.

Next.

The dogs. Max got diarreah about 5 different places in the house. The cat, who has not even coughed up a furball (she swallows them) or vomitted since the day we got her 7 years ago, puked in 3 different rooms and pooped in my closet and laundry room. The last time and only time she ever had any sort of an accident was the last time MIL was out and she peed on our bed and ruined our day old new comforter which is now history as the smell never came out and washing it ruined it.

Next.

My mood. My mood has been on irritation high and it felt like there was virtually nothing I could do to releive the tension headache she caused me. So why? Why the irritation? Because for 7 years I have been told the same negative stories of all the drama in her life and of all 4 husbands and I am over it. I know my husbands father left her for her best friend. I know every freakin detail of it. I practically lived it myself by now. I don't need it anymore.

Sure, life's not fair sometimes and we get in crap situations. But, you move on. She moved on. She has a great husband now and a life with no drama. But, because she loves drama, she keeps rehashing the negative in her life and does not ever focus on the positive. The now. Only focuses on the past. She has so much anger and resentment still harbored and she knows it and she just says that she can't help it and that that is who she is. Well, yes, you can help it. She's also a very jealous person and she admits this too. I told her that holding grudges and getting so angry is an ugly quality. I had hoped, that, she having been a model and all about being glamorous and wanting so bad to be regarded as a Scarlett O'Hara, would think, "Hmm, don't want to be ugly." But, she didn't care. My husband calls her out on EVERYTHING. I love it. He doesn't let her get away with her games and is actually happy now that I am sharing in the irritation because misery loves company.

And one last thing, amongst the endless annoying things and occurences this trip. I am fed up with her silent attitude towards my parents. My parents have practically bent over backwards trying to make her insecure self feel welcome and everytime she is with them she plays the silent treatment and embarrasses me and my husband. She sits through a really nice expensive dinner that they treat us all to, with silence. Myabe a grin here or there. It's so annoying and so rude.

Everything she accuses her other son of, is what she is and she just can't see it.

Ok, enough of that. I really need to let this visit go.

I jsut can't help but be annoyed that she will be here for the birth of the "baby girl she always wanted" and wants to stay to help out. But, she didn't help out this time. She can't even hold Logan because she complains that everything hurts. I will already have my mom and to be honest. This is going to be a big deal and big adjustment for Logan and he already didn't take to her. so I can't see how her being here will be of any help.

She mentioned staying here a month when the baby comes. My husband laughed at her and told her, "no way!" We are getting her a ticket to come out a few days before the due date (if baby comes before then - Oh well). We are booking the ticket so that we can change the dates so that she is out of here after I get home from the hospital. And that's that.

I am not a confrontational person, but I have been brought to the brink. I am not going to be a push over and play nice at the expense of my family's sanity.

Whew! Needed to vent that.

Ok, next post will be more positive. Just needed to get that out. More updates later on this kicking, rolling baby girl and this new little person Logan has become.

Pink or Blue????

2007-01-02T20:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, it's been entirely too long for me to have waited to post this. But, it just so happens that we got the ultrasound days before the holidays and with all the hustle and bustle and gift wrapping and last minute "oh crap I forgot about those people" gifts I got sidetracked.

Not to mention the gazillion things I have to do work related and I am so far behind. And then there's the MIL who comes out tomorrow for 8 days. And then there's the 5 others posts I've been writing to myself and wanting to post. Then there's all the little things I need to do, like update Logan's website for the family and take more belly shots!!!

So let me now say that my dad was right. Though, I never revealed what he said we were having, just that he knew and that we didn't even need to bother calling him after the ultrasound because he was 100% sure thatwe are having a .....................

GIRL GIRL GIRL GIRL.

Grandpa was right. We are having a little girl and she is just as precious as can be. She greeted us with a huge yawn. I WILL post the US pictures and belly pics. I will, I will, I will. I was much better at documenting and journaling with Logan in utero. But, time has a whole new meaning now.

This little girl is VERY active and it took quite awhile for her to reveal herself to us. Unlike her big brother who showed his parts right away. So after her constant wiggling around, we were finally able to sneak up under those legs. Afterwards I told my husband that I was very proud of our little girl for keeping those legs closed, to which he got a bit annoyed and said, "Don't talk about my daughter that way!" Completely understandable and I sustained.

Well, I must promise myself to do better at journaling. After the MIL leaves and life is back on track, I will write more about this wonderful movement I am constantly feeling and how I can hardly believe that I keep saying "she" and "her" and "It's a GIRL!"

So truly happy.

Tuesday / Oh no.

2006-12-15T18:34:00.000-08:00

Tuesday is the day when we can peak inside my uterus (still can't comprehend it, no matter how scientifically it is put) and look at this little thing that has quite the strength at just 20 weeks gestation. This little thing that is kicking mommy in what seems to be getting stronger and stronger by the day, not just the week. Could it be that I am more sensitive to it this time around, what with a stretched out uterus that could possibly have a thinner lining now. Or am I just speaking out of my bum and have no clue as to what I am saying?
Probably.
In any case, I am excited. VERY excited.
But, there's more. Did I write about this yet?
Well, I am much too lazy right now to reread any past posts, so I will address it again if I haven't already done so.
I tested positive for Group B Strep. I was due for my annual papsmear at the same time I went in for my 8 week first preggie visit.
Came back for the 12 week and was hit with, "You carry Group B. If you test positive again at 35 weeks and at delivery, you will have to go on antibiotics."
Ok, while it may seem like no big deal to many. This is really big to me.
I am not a fan of the antibiotics, unless really really really necessary. I don't beleive that I can bring myself to allow them to give me antibiotics and essentially giving my new pure unborn baby antibiotics when s/he has not even taken a first breath yet.
I've done so much research on the Group B thing and it seems that more infants get sick within 24 hours of taking antibiotics and that the chances of them getting the Group B from the mother at birth is the same whether the mother is on the antiobiotics or not. And in both cases, the chances are extremely slim.
So I am seeking the advice of a homeopath and naturopath. I am going to try the route of a natural internal cocktail of echinacea, vitamin C and what not and some sort of vaginal wash at delivery so that I test negative.
Now, what seems odd, is that I did not test positive with the first pregnancy, but I was only tested at the normal time which was 35 weeks. The doctor said I could have it now and it could very well go away by then and that is not uncommon. So this is my hope.
I am currently drinking 100% pure cranberry juice (which is the most bitter thing ever) diluted in my 8 glasses of water a day. I am also taking a probiotic blend so as to help keep only the good bacteria in and wipe out the bad sh**.
I hope this works.
_____
Um, next post should be a bit more interesting as I will be sure to include a. a belly shot (no rear though - because that is really getting frightening and the size of my boobs are a bit alarming too, however more alarming this time as they are not lifted and big, they are droopy and big. Thank you art of breastfeeding. I can only imagine what is to come after another year or more of breastfeeding the second time around ) And b. a picture of the gender of our baby. Will we see three little lines, or will we see a surprise tween those legs????

More waiting?

2006-11-28T12:43:00.000-08:00

I am 17 weeks today. Not on Friday. But, the baby measured a few days smaller on that 8 week ultrasound. So, according to my OB's group practice, it is at 19 weeks that the technicians like to do "the" ultrasound. You know that one that shows your baby looking like a baby, not some sort of fish thing (as adorable as I think it is.) It is the one that determines whether we buy new clothes for a little girl or whip out the storage boxes of Logan's sweet baby boy onesies, shoes, socks and all.

It is in 2 weeks that I will be that ever so desired 19 weeks. But, when is my appointment? 3 WEEKS FROM NOW! The 19 of December. Not the 12th. And why? Even after my doctor said to come back in two weeks, the receptionist/appointment maker lady (who I usually just love) has decided that based on her calculations I am not yet 17 weeks and in fact only 16 and will be better of waiting till the 19th. Whatever. I put up a 30 second fight. I mean it is my body, I do know to the T how far along I am. I know it's only 1 week more of a wait, but I am just so excited to find out. And even though we will be equally excited for either sex, I am more excited to just know. I just want to know.

My dad already says he is 100% positive that he knows. In fact, many are certain. My dad was the only right one with Logan.

Well, anyway. 3 weeks and counting...

This too shall pass - and it really does.

2006-11-11T12:26:00.001-08:00

It can change so fast. After feeling so down, I got Logan from his nap and told him that we were going to make this a good day and that I needed his help. First stop - the park. His display of excitment alone as we drive up to kids screaming and playing changed everything. Then after an hour or so of play we went grocery shopping where he was an angel. He's so much fun to take out.

I went from feeling so selfish and depressed, to an extreme feeling of love and gratefullness. It just seems that emotions like that need to arise to feel the best extreme of the better emotions.

Sometimes the worst day can lead into the best.

This too shall pass - and it really does.

2006-11-11T12:26:00.000-08:00

This is hard!

2006-11-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

I was supposed to come on here and write a post about
my growing boy and the happy times we have. I was
supposed to update about the pregnancy, share some
Halloween pictures and other mom of a toddler news.

But, instead I am going to write about how I am
depressed today. And for no apparent reason. I really
don't have a good reason. I don't have a valid reason
for feeling somewhat trapped today. For feeling
totally non-independent. For feeling completely
accountable at all times. Afterall, I have a great
babysitter twice a week and I've had my share of
weekends with my husband, while my mom and dad stay
with Logan. I have a son who goes to sleep at 6pm
everynight and sleeps for 12 to 13 hours and takes a
nap with no fuss everyday.

But, here I am feeling like I have no "me" time. How
is this? Maybe it is because my time away from Logan
is either spent at work always trying to catch up. Or
it is taking a Martial Arts class with my husband or
taking a weekend with my husband that somehow or other
involves other people and itineraries.

I think I just want time to plop myself on the sofa
for a day. Not an hour or two. A day. Better yet, a
weekend. Where I can read. Where I can write and surf
the internet, without a certain panic that I am
trading a shower alone and getting my hair done
because Logan will be up in a half hour. How does nap
time go so fast and that hour and half before nap time
go so slow?

And maybe this is all sort of an underlying panic
about the absolutely no "me" time I will soon
encounter when I am not only being depended on by my
son and husband, but a newborn. I am prepared (wrong
word). I am AWARE of the chaos that is to come when
May rolls around the corner. And I'm scared of those
early months. It is truly so tiring and hard with a
toddler who sleeps well and behaves well (for the most
part, minus toddler tantrums and frustration). What
will I do when I am getting 3 hours of broken up
sleep, nursing round the clock, tending to a two year
old, making sure my husband still feels loved and
adored, allocating attention in all different
directions, while housework, bills and the like are
piling up the size of Mount Fuji? Will I cope?
Probably. But, in a sane way? Cause that's what I am
hoping for. Sure I can sit at dinner with my husband
while Logan is at home sleeping with a sitter on the
couch watching a movie with some left over Chinese
food and talk about how great of a family we will be
and how we know all the "right" things to do now with
a newborn and how much fun the four of us will have
and how Logan will be the absolute best brother. But,
what about when the time comes and Logan feels sad or
left out. What happens when the time comes and I snap
at him (no matter how much I don't ever want to)
because I am being pulled every which way that I can't
even think? I get frustrated now. What will happen
then?

I could totally be blowing things out of proportions
but based on other mothers of more than 1 baby I know,
I'm not. And that is sh** scary. I know how I get when
I am tired and sleep deprived. I get grouchy and I
cry. I get overwhelmed. My husband says he will help
and he is working extra hard now so that he won't have
to when the baby comes and so that he can help more. I
know he will help. I know it will all work out, but I
guess I am just feeling overwhelmed today as it is,
with the things I need to do, holidays coming up, work
piling up, milk that needs to be replenished, hair
that needs to be dried, clothes that need to be put on
and the 1 day in I can't remember how long that my boy
did not take a good nap.

I'm spent today. I just want to sleep the day away.
And I feel like a terrible mother when I want a day
off from being a mother and I know I just need to suck
it up.

Ok, well, that about does it for today. Till the next
post when I can regain some sort of self back and
breathe again.

I'm getting really bad at this. And "weighting" is hard.

2006-10-22T17:51:00.000-07:00

I used to be so dedicated to my writing. Whether it was just creative stuff, poetry, short stories, a book. Now I am just downright slacking. I can't even keep a regular schedule on my blog.

I'm a bit scared to think what will be become of this journaling when the baby comes.

Thursday is the day that we stick that familiar doppler on this ever so fast growing tummy and hear that magnificent horse stomping sound. I'm so excited and yet, so selfishly, I can't help but worry what that damn doctors' scale will say. They've got these fancy shmancy real accurate digital ones now and shoes MUST be worn at all times.

I know it is incredibly selfish and my adoring husband keeps reminding me how worth it it is, and it is. I know this. But, for some reason this time it's harder to just watch myself get all bloated like. I really am waiting for my belly to get the pregnant look. Not the "I ate too much this weekend" look. Naked, it looks preggers. With clothes - there is not much of a division anywhere and I just feel like a round plump ball.

Only 12 weeks and I am already sporting this bump. I think I didn't get this bump until a few weeks later with Logan.

After Logan I'd lost weight so quickly. With breastfeeding, not too much sleep and all the rest, it really did just come off so easily. Then I excercized and got back into shape. I ended being at 110, which was about 15 pounds less than when I first got pregnant with Logan. I thought I was in pretty good shape then. So to get to like my lowest weight ever and to be so healthy and now to watch it all creep back up. I am eating healthy, but I must say - I am so hungry. Like two hours after I eat I am so famished, it's as if I was contesting on Survivor and I was on the 37th day.

Time is going by so quickly. With Logan, there was a countdown to every doctor visit. Now, I am questioning how 4 weeks can already have gone by and we are already due for another visit.

I am so excited though. I am feeling great. Still tired. But, no more nausea. There have been a few moments though that I get up in the morning and I go to get my sweet smiling freshly rested boy from his room and I get a bit sad. Or maybe I should say nostalgic. I think that these days are numbered. These days where our compelte attention is driven to him. Breakfast in the morning is about him. Stories, bath time, walks, the park. It's all for him. I just started feeling a little guilty that soon the attention would be shared. Though, I am so excited for them to meet and to have this great realtionship, I think of the first weeks and how the adjusting time will be. I just want Logan to feel more loved than ever during this time. He is our little angel bug. We will do everything to make him continue to feel this.

And then I'll switch. I think of the future and I think of the special gift that this is.

I begged my parents for a sibling. All the time. And though I am so grateful for my upbringing and my relationship with my parents and feel I wouldn't change it for anything, there are times that I wish I had someone. An aunt or uncle for Logan.

I have wonderful friends that are referred to as aunt and uncle, which is great. But, I will admit, the desire does creep up sometimes.

Whew! How's that for a blog?

Well, now that my little Logiepop is sleeping after a very joyous book reading and smother of wet drooly kisses, I think I will go put some laundry away and join my husband for some TLC.

Hardest Job You'll Ever Love

2006-10-05T17:43:00.000-07:00

The cycle.

For me it began with:

"If only I wasn't naseaus."

then

"If only my stomach were big and not my whole body."

then

"If only I would go into labor."

then after delivery

"If only it didn't burn so much when I pee."

then

"If only everything didn't make me cry."

then

"If only my nipples weren't raw and hurting like a "mother"."

then

"If only he'd sleep through the night."

then

"If only he'd start walking, then I wouldn't have to carry him as much."

then

"If only he didn't weigh so darn much, cause I'm carrying him just as much."

then

"If only he'd start talking and stop whining."

then

"If only I could go back to the day he was born and cradle his tiny being in my arms one more time."

It's a hard job being a parent. But, the amazing thing about it is that when you look back, there is something so easy about the hardest job you'll ever love.

Time to update.

2006-10-04T15:38:00.000-07:00

Let's begin with the warm fuzzy stuff. We saw our beautiful baby last week. Last week? Maybe it was more than that. Anyhow, we saw the baby and the very fast heartbeat. Logan's was about 135 or so and this baby was a strong 165. It is so strange and so wonderful to see this totally new being inside of me. I mean that was Logan's little spot. That's where he hung out for 9 months and now there's this different looking body with little flippers, hanging out on a different side. Our first look at Logan was a side profile and it was the cutest ever! This baby was head on, looking right at us.

And let me say that my stomach is growing quite fast. Though I am about 12 pounds lighter at this stage than I was with Logan, I am much bigger already. How is that my stomach has grown so much in 2 weeks? So the doctor said it was normal that you show earlier with subsequent pregnancies. Well, she's right in my case. I thought I sprouted early with Logan at 3 months.

So I am in the doughy stage. The not yet taught tummy. The tummy that has sneakliy subtracted from my best assett - the waistline. So big shirts and empire waisted styles azre serving me well right now.

A lady once told me that she was an addict for coffee, but that once she became pregnant, she no longer craved it and in fact despised the smell of coffee. She credited this to your body knowing exactly what it needs and what it should not have.

In my case, my body is telling me to have wine (of course, I am not having it), sushi, rare steak and smoked salmon. I am absolutely craving all that I shouldn't have or even more sadly, absolutely can't have.

And even though, it is so completely worth it and I could never understand why anyone should even care so much as anyone pregnant is just so lucky to be so. For some reason this time, I really miss this stuff.

I am so excited about being pregnant again, despite the wretched nausea and fatigue. I am so excited for the delivery and to hold this precious angel. I am so excited that our family will be of four.

And strangely enough, I think I am excited not to be pregnant again after that - EVER. Ah! Did I say that? I used to think that I would be so sad when I knew it was my last pregnancy, but I kinda feel ready for this to be my last. Mr. Sweets and I have really thought about 3 and pretty much planned on 3 being our number. But, I have to say, we are getting pretty cozy and happy about 2 kids. It seems more us. It seems to fit our life. I just feel like we are people who want to travel alot and it would be so great and so much easier with four of us. I feel like I am ready for my body to mine again. I will be in my 30's and as selfish as it is, I want to look good and feel good and do triathalons and committ myself to being in great shape for the rest of my life.

There is a certain independence that comes as Logan gets older. At this age, he is on such a great schedule, he's easy to take places. He's great with our babysitter and with our parents. So it's great for us to go out as a family and it's equally great for my husband and I to have dinner, go dancing, do fun stuff together - just the two of us. I just think it would be alot easier to maintain that kind of stuff when it is just 2 kids.

Who knows what will happen? But, those are our thoughts. Although, if we have another boy, I think my husband will really want to try again for a girl as he says. We'll see. I can't think of anything better than 2 close boys or anything better than a girl and a boy. They are equally as great. Equally a blessing.

Anyway, other brief updates. Mr. Sweets and I had a romantic get away. One night away. We stayed at a great hotel, where they greeted us in our room with a bottle of Cabernet. Now, that's just mean. You'd think I was a wino, but I probably only had 2 glasses a month on average before getting pregnant. But, I crave it! Anwyway, the room and weekend was awesome. My first night away from Logan. He stayed with my parents, where my mother said and I quote "We are having such a great time, I never want to leave." So she had this amazing time babysitting the whole weekend. It was awesome and really did my heart good.

Next up? Friends invited us to Santa Anita Race Tracks this weekend, so we will be off for another getaway. Two weekends in a row! So they are set again for another weekend with Logan.

Oh and we cut the boy's hair again. But, daddy made an accidental huge chop on one of his sideburns. Not too cute. But, the rest turned out pretty good. (thanks to mommy).

I need to post some pics - 1 of the growing (bloated) belly), 1 of the chopped haircut, 1 of the new sibling and I can't finish, I really have to go pee now.

Redemption?

2006-09-22T16:38:00.000-07:00

I suppose I should feel better that my mother did end up calling that afternoon to come over (with a bit of hesitation). And I should feel even better than that that she even called again the next day to come over again.

Was my breakdown so intense that she could feel the anger vibes 10 miles away?

Again she had a fabulous time (after first telling me how exhausted she was and hadn't even eaten yet by 4:30 that day) and another fabulous time the next day.

My dad came with her yesterday and told me that she started to cry amidst playing with Logan that she wished she had more energy and was more up to playing with him more often.

Apparently I am still not aware of her state of health.

As my dad says, when she feels great for one day, it's "always". When she feels crumby for a day, it's "always".

I can't take it literally.

My dissappointment isn't really so much about her as it is my own expectations. It doesn't help that my mother is an extremist when it comes to just about anything. But, it is what it is. She's not very healthy right now and she's doing what she can to get there and in the meantime I wish her plenty of joyous times with her grandson and I will not expect too much of her unless absotultely needed. And I don't mean that in a harsh way, though it sounds it. I truly mean that I have to come to terms with her not being "that kind" of grandmother. She is who she is and I love her for it.

So this weekend is her and her twin sister's birthday. A huge sh*tload of family is coming to visit and it will be a weekend of parties, barbecues, babysitters and good dinners. Now if this nausea would just let up.

Don't even bother.

2006-09-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

That's what I feel like saying to my mother. I don't get it. I just don't get it. My feelings are so hurt and she has no clue.

For someone who absoultely adores me and has done everything in the world for me and loves and adores her grandson so much, it is completely mind boggling to me why my mother doesn't spend more time with her grandson.

The time she does spends are some occassions when she stops by for a bit with my dad before he goes to bed. Or times when we might all go out to eat. There are endless amounts of times my father has come on a last minute calls to watch Logan for me. I can count the times my mom has babysat alone on one hand.

While I try to give her the benefit of the doubt that she may be busy and wrapped up in things. It still doesn't pan out. Not for anyone. Noone can understand it.

If I've asked her to come, my dad always comes in her place.

When I am a grandmother I will relish in the moments that I can kidnap that kid and take off for the day and give my children a break.

For her, a mere hour is a struggle to fit into her, house obsessed, jobless life. I mean that. Her days revolve around constantly decorating and doing things to her already beyond finished masterpeice of a home, getting her hair done, nails done and special dietary food for her allergic digestive system. As loving as she is, this is what she spends her time doing. Her "extremely busy" time.

I will say that I have tremendous empathy for the time she has gone through battling her Celiac Spru. But, when I keep hearing how wonderful she's feeling now - I just don't get it.

I have all these friends with grandmothers that take their babies out and about. They are there at a moment's notice when they are not feeling well or just need a break.

We have a babysitter who comes twice a week for Logan when I go into work. She is really grandma # 3. She takes Logan to all different places. Has playdates with him. Does all sorts of fun things with him and she tells me all about their day and all his accomplishments as if bragging about her own grandson. If my MIL were here. I wouldn't need a babysitter.

My mother has yet to strap him in a carseat.

If she has babysat, it's been on a few occassions when we had noone else and she LOVES it. Which is even more reason that I am so confused.

I asked her, my father asked her, Mr. Sweets asked her - if during this time that I am so exhausted and sick that she could come more often to watch Logan even if just for an hour so I could grab a nap. It will only be until this sick phase is over with. Of course, she says. In fact, we brought this up based on her saying that she doesn't see him enough. Then WHY!!! Why are you not here? Why last night when I asked her to come today and she said she'd call with what time she could fit it in, has she not called. It's the afternoon now.

Here's what I say to it all now. Don't even bother!

Somehow I manage to function.

2006-09-19T18:16:00.000-07:00

Somehow, I am managing to get up at 6:30 in the
morning with wobbly legs, spinning head and totally
unsettled stomach. I manage to walk my tired,
underested self over to my son's room and put on the
happy face. And while it is a genuine happy face to
see his precious smiling chubby cheeks smiling back at
me with bear in hand, I won't lie, it's still a
struggle. It's so hard to pick him up when all I want
to do is collapse. I have the weekends for daddy to
take over while I hover under the covers in bed, but
during the week, it's all me.

I can't understand Logan's urgency for his banana,
waffles, cereal or whatever he's starving for, when
the thought of it, much less the smell and touch of it
will have me dry heaving. It's so much harder to get excited
when preparing his food when it could quite possibly be
the worst smell ever.

Ugh! Dry heaving. I have not vomited. Well, maybe it
is because my most nauseaus moments are in the morning
when I am full of nothing but thyroid medicine and a
few sips of water. So I dry heave and salivate into
the toilet and shake.

I didn't dry heave with Logan at all. I had queasiness
and overall yukiness with Logan, but not like this.
This is so much worse. It's almost debilitating in the
mornings and later at night.

There is a brief period during the day when I must get
things done, must work, must do laundry, vaccuum,
clean, run errands etc. that it slightly takes a backseat, but
it's still there. It hasn't even been two weeks of
this and I am begging for the trimester to be over.

It's amazing how your brain can be so excited and your body can
feel none of it. I had such a wonderful pregnancy with Logan and
I just can't wait till I get to that energetic wonderful, life is growing
inside of me feeling.

I've also found out that two friends of mine are pregnant as well.
We are each a few weeks apart. Very exciting.

Logan started nodding his head about two weeks ago and now has just
started shaking his head no. It is adorable. When I say "no". He shakes his
head and gives me the same serious look I am giving him (only I am not nearly
as cute.)

I feel very bloated and fat already. I dont' think I've gained weight, but
I sure do look it and feel it. Water maybe?

Anyway, despite my annoying complaints, I am so happy.

Just one more week till the first ultrasound. Then my mind can see
whether it's all real or not. The double lines, the nausea, the weird taste in my mouth, the bloat,the dizziness, the obsession with avacados and the endless trips to the bathroom. . .

Ick!

2006-09-13T15:19:00.000-07:00

Feeling very yucky these days. How long has it been??? I've got much more of this to go.

2 things I am such a baby about - sore throats and nausea. Give me a broken leg, a nasty cut, or a stuffy nose. But, those two things, have me begging for mercy.

Ah well.

Yesterday we went to Logan's 15 month check up, even though he's 16 months. Oops. A little late.

So we get there right on time and despite the construction going on and warning on the possibilty of parking problems, we pull right into the only vacant spot. Logan napped, had a snack and was in a great mood.

In fact, everytime in the past, he has been this great braggable angel at the ped.

In the past that is. Yesterday changed history. We walk in and he sits on my lap calmly and watches the other kids play with the toys (which I really try to not let him play with due to the sickies), and he was happy as can be with mommy. We got called in right away. The nurse says, "It's time for his eye test."

"Oh", I say. "He's actually already had that."
"Oh, really. Let me check his file."
She steps away to her little handy dandy portable mini computer file that has everything on Logan in it.
"Looks like he had it back in November. Let's do it again."
"Um, okayyyy."
I'm thinking, he was so good then and really liked the flashing pictures and songs. Why not have another go?
So he sits on my lap and she proceeds to paste on these electrode monitor things on his temples and back of his head on his clean hair. He wasn't unhappy yet, until the patch over the left eye came. Then he gets this totally sad face that just completely breaks my heart. Then the music starts with the annoying nurse trying to be funny and the pictures are flashing in a dark room. He totally freaks. He starts crying. Not the kind of cry that says, "Don't think I like this." The kind that says, "What is happening to me, I feel totally violated and I have cords hanging all over me and I was totally happy just minutes before. Mommy how could you let this happen."
He starts to do the breath cries where he can't catch his breath and tears off the cords and that was it. We stopped the whole thing and said we'd do it another time. He passed last time. Why did we need to do it again!!!

So then she puts us in a room and tells me to undress him for the weigh in. So I undress my trying to calm down innocent little boy and he is clinging to me while we do it. Then he gets put on the scale and he starts the same cry again.

Then he finally calms down after the weigh in and after I start reading a book to him that was in the room.

Then the Dr. comes in, who is great and good with him. But, he's still not happy. She examines him while I am holding him. I tell her of his recent cold and then she looks in his ears. She says that it's red and that he may have an ear infection.

Then she tells me that she doesn't like to give antibiotics or overmedicate, but she is giving me a prescription to have just in case. Meanwhile, it's not even a confirmed ear ache and I so don't beleive in antibiotics unless extremely necessary.

Well, he has no other symptoms like she said. He's been happy as ever since the cold went away and I later found out that ears and ear drums get red and are often mistaken for ear infections after a big bout of crying. And she was sticking this thing in to remove ear wax and making me hold his hands down and he was screaming. I just felt so so bad. My poor happy boy had an awful experience.

Then he's got all this sticky shit in his hair and looks like Dennis the Menace with it sticking straight up in the back form those sticky things from that damn eye test.

He was holding me so tight. Finally when we got to the car, he was happy again and laughing and seemed to have forgotten it all. I was still traumatized.

Oh and she also said that we could pass on the vaccines this time.

"Actually", I said. "We can pass on them forever."

We were going to do a delayed schedule, but after so much more convincing reasons and research and actual studies against vaccines, we decided not to do them at all.

So that's that. No antibiotics and no vaccines.

You'd think I am anti medicine, but I am not. Really. I just don't like it when it is unnecessarily used.

ANYWAY

He's 88 percentile height. 25 percentile weight. And he's got his two bottom molars and two up top are just poking through.

He nods yes now. (I thought no came first). He tries to put his foot in every hole he sees. He matches his squares and circles to there prospective holes and he is the biggest sweetheart ever.

He hugs us all the time. Actual real hugs. Ugh! It is the best. Nothing like your little miracle running up to you in the middle of playtime to have a hug. He nudges us to move when he wants our lap ready for him to sit in. He loves books. Loves his pets. Loves his family and seems to just love life.

So this ick feeling has just about the best turn out any ick feeling could ever have and I'm so excited to double this joy. It's just a matter of our hearts being able to
hold so much love and joy.

May 8, 2007

2006-09-10T10:43:00.000-07:00

I beleive that is the due date of baby blessing # 2.
Wow! Still can't quite beleive it, although an early
onset of morning sickness has made me beleive. We are
quite besides ourselves thinking that in less than a
years time we will be looking into the back seat and
seeing not one, but two beautiful faces.

It happened quickly and I can't be too surprised as it
happened quickly with Logan. So only 1 period in a
span of 2 years. Not bad.

So again, May 8, 2007. Logan's birthday is May 3rd. It
is highly possible that this baby could be born on his
birthday. As if May isn't insane enough with grandpa's
birthday, my husband's birthday, Logan's birthday, Mother's Day and more family celebrations.

I am feeling so sick. So so tired and quite amazed that I can function at all with a toddler running around. Mr. Sweets has kindly taken on morning duty on the weekend so that I can sleep in.

Nausea is the worst and I feel convinced that it is already worse than the worst point in the first pregnancy. But, then again the body doesn't remember pain, so that fact that I am experiencing it alone will make it worse.

I can't wait till it diminishes. It's odd to get a good night's sleep and not feel rested. It's odd to once have woken up with so much energy and now feel like puke ball ready to explode. Funny how quickly you forget what it was like to feel good.

But, I know it is all worth it.

Well, that's as much energy as I have for typing right now as I must save the rest for my family, laundry and oh yeah, peeing.

Catching up in a BIG way.

2006-09-06T16:42:00.001-07:00

I think I'll catch up with some pictures.

First off, it has been way too long since I've posted. There have been many happenings. Many family and friend visits. Logan's first awful cold. My first awful cold since 2 years. Logan cutting molars in which blistering bloody gums were not to be expected. Ouch! Logan getting a first really big boo boo on his forehead from the sheer excitement of running with toy. And one more surprise. But, that will reveal itself at the end of this post. And don't sneak down!!!

First, up. Let's take moment to revel in my sweet boy and his undeniable cuteness. Sitting with our best girl, Molly.

His newest way of getting in troubelle by pushing open the drawer from one end with his feet and climbing right on top of the coffee table. Many "no's" are being learned here.

Fun with daddy.

Close up of the owy. It was much worse.

First time at the zoo.

A little surprise.

More later...

More please!

2006-08-24T14:30:00.000-07:00

Maybe this is a part of getting older. Actually really
showing us that he loves us. Like always hugging. This
boy can't get enough hugs and kisses. (Please never
change. Please be the boy who wraps his arms around
his mommy and daddy and lets them know that there are no two
other better parents in the world and that absolutely
no woman in the world could compare to the prefection
of your mother (ok, maybe that's a little much). Be the boy who returns the kiss from
mommy when being dropped off at school instead of the
boy who shuns her. ..) Ok, enough.

The cuddling moments are increasing. And for the first
time since he was an infant, Mr. Sweets held Logan in
bed and Logan fell asleep holding his daddy and we all
napped together.

Now, he has been saying dada and mama for quite some
time now. However, it's never really with intention.
Until now. He knows "dada" mean his "daddy". I know -
maybe late. He always knew what it meant when we said
it, but now he says it and points to dada. He asks for
dada and if he hears a noise when dada isn't home, he
lights up and says, "dada!"

Mr. Sweets is over the moon. My turn!!!

My mother in law is in town and it's great having the help. logan again instantly loves her. She's gotten him a plethora of toys - all sorts of wooden old fashioned cool toys. They're great. I will have to hide some though soon. It's get a bit overwhleming and it's always cool to hide something and bring it out later when the others lose their novelty.

Logan is melting her heart.

I've been meaning to post some pictures and brag about my incredibly handsome boy. So I will get to that ASAP.

Better go now . . . More later . . .

I wrote this on the 14th of August

2006-08-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

I have grown excited about testing for ovulation and
such. It's like a fun project. So now that I am
officially fertile (at least I think so) I am doing
just that. Just doing some urine tests and saliva
tests. I don't think i will chart with temperatures
and all that, because I don't want to drive myself
crazy. (which is evident that I partly am)

Here's the strange thing. (besides me)

I started my first period on the 19th of July.
However, I just yesterday got my positive ovulation
test (urine). But, that wasn't enough for me, so I
also have the saliva test, which I got my positive
today instead of yesterday. Mr. Sweets and I had quite
a few "romative moments" yesterday. So, something
could be entirely possible. Time will tell.

So I don't know if it took my body a bit to realize
that it can ovulate again or what. I don't know that
stopping the pill etc. is probably taking it's toll as
far as normalizing my hormones.

I was so excited to get a positive on my OPK. Is that
weird? I was so excited to see ferning on my saliva
test.

I also don't remember ever feeling cramping around
this time, but I do now. I had been on the pill for so
long before Logan and when I came off it was just one
period and then I got pregnant. So I really don't
remember their being ovulation symptoms etc. Though, I
did have some spotting last week for a few days. That
was weird. I'm sure it's all just the hormones getting
back to normal.

I was expecting to get a period like tomorrow. Instead
I am ovulating. Unless the tests are false. I don't
know.

To be continued . . .

If I could just. . .

2006-08-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

bottle up the moment and take it out whenever I want.

This morning after a long walk and a nap, Logan decided that mommy was of absolute importance. He came up to me while I was talking to his daddy and he wrapped his whole self around me like a little koala bear. Ten minutes went by and Mr. Sweets and I were amazed that this busy body was so content in mommy's arms. Then another ten and another ten and another ten. It was an hour of total bliss with my family.

He was so calm and so relaxed and just held me as I held him. Nothing else mattered.

These are the moments.

These are the moments that I live for.

Terrible 29's

2006-08-08T15:00:00.000-07:00

Today, I am a 29 year old toddler. I am immature. I am right there with Logan on the highchair staring my husband in the face as I drop my food on the floor. And, frankly, I feel out of control over it and not so bad about it either.

My husband has been fighting a sore throat for a few days now. Today we have a Martial Arts class planned and clearly he cannot go. This morning, however, I decided (since he is not sick sick, just uncomfortable) that he should do the honor of calling our instructor and cancelling. To which he said, and I saw it coming, "But, I'm the one who is sick. You have to call."

"But, I have called everytime we have to cancel and I am embarrassed and I just don't want to call. I really would appreciate you calling."

In the end, noone called. It is now 2:40pm and our class is at 4:15pm. I refuse to call. REFUSE. I always take the duty of calling and this time I just won't. For whatever reason, I have decided to stomp my feet like Logan and say NO NO NO.

I don't believe either of us is wrong. I am just so dissappointed that he did not call when I really didn't want to. And I just will not call. I am on strike.

Here's the thing, though. It has done me no good. Because I am going to the class on my own. A few hours later, he asked if I called to cancel, to which I replied, "No. I will not call again. I have called everytime and I wanted you to call so I will just go myself."

"You're going to go by yourself?"

"Yup."

He got out of it. He didn't have to call and he doesn't have to go to class. He got his way.

I am the one who is going alone because I am too st st st. I can't say it, because I don't want to admit that I might be stubborn. There I said it.

Am I though? I don't know. But, inside I am throwing this fit. I will not call.

Now he has buzzed me and wants to know if I would like to go get something to eat with him.

Well, seeing as how class is in less than two hours. Are you going to call and cancel??? Well, are you?

It's too close to class time to cancel and I would feel bad. But, I am just so irked that he would not call.

My dad always comes in handy with things like this. Always a great release. So I dialed his cell and dumped my frustration. He understood. Little things like this really stir me up. Stupid I know. And these are what 99% of our little tiffs are. They never amount to anything. I don't know what it's all about. Maybe because we don't have anything REAL to argue about?

So then Mr. Sweets (mmm, no, Mr. Irritating) talks to my dad and asks if I am mad. Well, I'm glad he noticed that much. My dad agrees with me (for whatever reason, oh yeah, he's the designated canceller in his marriage), but is staying out of it. Good idea.

To eat or not eat. That is the question.

Words Cannot Express

2006-08-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

Well, apparently so for my 15 month old. Today he is 15 months and I think his most important word is "uh". Said with much intensity and determination. Though, he can also say "ma ma" "da da" "dog" "woof woof" "vroom vroom" "uh oh" and knows his toes, his most crucial word is "uh". He has somehow learned that this grunt will eventually get him what he wants after mommy and daddy play the guessing game. He does point to things, but sometimes we just don't get it.

Words also can't express my love for this little person. We cut his hair today. I should take a picture. I don't think Mr. Sweets and I would quailify for a position at Super Cuts, but it serves it's purpose. Logan should now not be mistaken as a girl (although I'm sure he will with that pretty face) and I think he felt really good without those long bangs across his forhead.

Today was one of thoe days where we were all in the zone. One of those laughy, giggly, happy, life is great mood days. Everything was just right and just as it should be.

Mr. Sweets and I had our Martial Arts class today. One of two each week. Our instructer was telling us that soon we will be ready to test for the next level belt. I thought to myself as he discussed the progression of levels: What happens if I get pregnant? Can I do kicks? Can I spar? Can I jump rope? Can I do the push ups?

And what of our dance classes? Will it all still go on? I don't see any reason why dance shouldn't continue. I can see some reasons for maybe modified versions of Tung Seudo (sp?). Afterall, I did spinning and weight training up to the last couple of weeks with Logan and then I went on to the Elliptical. (Not that it looked it by any means.)But, at least I felt in pretty good shape for having gained 40+ pounds.

Again, there is no telling how long it will take. It could be next year, it could be next month. But, these are the thoughts I have now. And I like it.

And Pithy! I know I should share the name, but . . . Well, I don't know why, but I feel a but. I will share though . . . just don't know when.

It could happen.

2006-08-01T13:12:00.000-07:00

Ok, now that we have given ourselves full permission
to just see what happens, I have ignored that I am on
the white beads of the Cycle Beads (meaning that it is
likely I could get pregnant on these days). Although,
I don't think I have ovulated or will ovulate this
month. I don't even know if it was a real period I got
or if it was just bleeding for 2 weeks caused by
starting the real pill. But, now that I am off I guess
we will see. Because I may not have gotten my period
before because I was on the mini-pill. I just don't
think that my one a day nursing session for maybe 5
minutes could really keep it away. But, it is likely.
Some days I don't even nurse at all. Only time will
tell. Only 14 more days will tell.

Anyway, the point of this was to say: We are getting
excited. In fact, last night I picked out a name. I
know. I know. A bit premature. Seeing as how a. I'm
not yet pregnant. b. Boy or girl? Who knows. But, I
have a name. And this morning I told Mr. Sweets and he
couldn't help but smile and love it.

I really had all these thoughts going on in my mind.
People saying, "You gotta start trying when he's one."
or "No! Wait till he's almost two. They should be 2
1/2 years apart." "Really you should wait till he's
3."

All this "advice" and really none of it matters. It
just doesn't. Should I get pregnant now or next month,
yeah they'll have birthdays right around the same
time, but it's up to me to make it special. I mean
twins have the same birthday, right? Anyway, this is
all premature and it may take me months. I just know
that we are ready for whenever it is to be.
(Even if I am at my skinniest weight yet and have to
gain it all back.) I must say, I am thankful for the
breastfeeding. Can they bottle that up as a weight
loss drug?

Ah. I just feel excited about it. I get excited when I
am with families with lots of kids or when I am with
adult siblings and their parents. I think of the day
that we are with our children and they are grown. I
think of Logan with a little brother or sister. He is
so happy with other kids and I just can't wait to have
more.

Maybe because I was an only child, I am super excited
for all the craziness it will entail. I look forward
to missing shoes and who took what squabbles. I think
of bath time with two and how much fun it will be. I'm
just so proud of Logan and everything that he does.
It's so exciting to think that we will do it again.

I think it also helps to know that I've got a pretty
good knack at this whole mom thing. I'm pretty proud
of myself. Mr. Sweets and I both are.

You're supposed to do the things you're good at,
right? Well, then...

We'll keep on adding.

Lover's Spat

2006-07-31T16:58:00.000-07:00

My head feels like every capillary is trying so
hard to pump my blood, but that there are these little
fingers pinching and restricting it from flowing. In
understandable terms - I have a headache.
And it's big.

But, I think it is one of those "after the event"
headaches. The kind that you should have had while you
were stressed and upset, but instead get as the after
effect when all is ok and back to normal.

My Mr. Sweets and I had a bit of a tiff. And this came
after he just got back in town from business. It was over something very minor, but a big deal to me. I am the one who will hold it in and then expect for my quiet behaviour to be recognized and consoled. And then when it doesn't, or I'm not obvious enough or he is playing the same game, it almost always comes out pretty hostile in the end and then the shit hits the fan and hashed out and then all is fine and back to normal.

But, here's the thing. Our tiffs, which are few and
far, are always about something really stupid. I mean
if you look back on them, you would really laugh. It
makes me wonder. Am I too sensitive? Cause really, I
don't know. Maybe we are both too sensitive at times. Because for the most part we are not and then there are those times where we can just say the slightest thing or give a look and our feelings are shattered.

Anyway, without getting into it too much, I basiclly had my feelings hurt and he probably didn't even realize it. So I emailed him, since we are here at the office. And he emailed back that I was absoultely right and the apology and all. Then a few minutes later came his email. He had to get into it too. Then I emailed back. And back and forth it went. I felt kind of giddy sitting in our separate offices while everyone goes on working and we sit here with intent and purposeful looks on our face as if we are really into a project and really we are just sweetly venting back and forth.

My goal has been to just write when I get upset, because it never leads to an argument that way.

Sometimes you need these times to make everything so much better.

Feel Good

2006-07-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

8th grade. New school. New faces. Shy me. On the first
day I met A. Standing outside with her backpack so
tight against her shoulder and her perfectly curled
long hair. We were both so shy, it is amazing we even
said hi to each other. From that day on, A and I
became best friends. Actually sisters. Sisters that
love each other, sisters that hate each other, sisters
that fight like cats and dogs and sisters that would
do anything for each other.

A was always very inhibited. But, I lost that once
high school came and some of our differences began
then, but never tore us apart. She was wise. She was
often mistaken for being out of college, nevermind a
14 year old. She was brilliant. Still is. But, never
did anything with the genius she had.

I went to college. She didn't. I traveled the world.
She didn't. She wanted to do these things, but never
did. She always held back.

A few months after I announced my engagement to Mr.
Sweets, A announced her engagement to her drug addict,
gambling addict, sex addict, alcoholic boyfriend. The
celebration for her was nothing like the celebration
for mine. And this was where the friendship went
downhill. The sisterhood was swaying heavily towards
the cats and dogs.

To make a really long and not too sweet story short,
we grew apart and it was mainly a matter of her and
her husband.

My wedding was a small intimate ceremony with the most
love I've ever felt in one room. Mr. Sweets and i
still watch our video and say that it was the best day
of our life that far. The celebration was extreme and
the emotions were beautiful. Her wedding was a dash
ceremony consisting of her, her husband, the officiant
and a cold courthouse. Not to mention the belly she
had with the baby boy along the way. That baby boy has
turned into the biggest blessing of this whole story.

Her husband has turned into the biggest nightmare.

Oh, yeah, I was making this short. So to make this
brief - she filed for divorce. He was served. He
signed.

Amazingly enough, as her life is in complete disaray
with a list as long as the Neverending Story, she's
back. My friend from years ago is back. She never told
me the last few years of their problems, though I
suspected it had to be cause of our diminishing
friendship. But, when the you know what hit the fan,
she divulged everything to me and I know it felt good
for her.

Yesterday I went to see her. We took the 2 1/2 hour
drive to her parents house and the boys played
together and all we did was enjoy them. On my way
there I stopped at a grocery store that has a huge
section of gift cards ranging from gas cards, Toys R
Us cards, Gap, Macy's, Groceries and American Express
Cash cards.

I loaded up on them. I put them in a bag with a
beautiful card and bottle of bath bubbles for her son.

She opened it after we left and this morning I got a
message from her. With uncontrollable sobs, she told
me that words couldn't express her gratitude. At the
same time, she was reassuring her boy that mommy was
ok.

Her husband has done a number on her and she has
nothing.

Once upon a time, I thought I could never help her out
because of the distance between us. But now. Helping
has never felt so good.

I am selfish in that way. Just like my grandma. I love
to give, but I do it selfishly. Yeah, it makes me feel
good and that's why I do it. So I guess I'm selfish.

She's a smart woman. A wonderful mother. She is strong
and now she has to be the strongest for her son. I
hope this is the turning point in her life. I wish for
her all the happiness in the world.

Done

2006-07-28T13:41:00.000-07:00

Bye bye birth control pill. Since my 6 week postpardum
visit, I have been taking the "mini" pill since I was
breastfeeding. Then at my recent annual, my OB
recommended the real "pill" since I was only nursing
once a day. So I made the switch knowing that I would
only be on it for a few months time. The first two
weeks there were no noticeable side effects (I never
get side effects) then week 3 came and so did my
period. What??? I was so not prepared - you know being
in Vegas and all at a huge hotel where I had to make a
pretty decent trek to a store that sold what are those
things called again, oh yeah - tampons! Bummer! I so
wasn't prepared. I had not had a period in like 2
years. Man, was I spoiled. Well, the cramping began
and the fun symptoms that go along with
this monthly bill and let me tell you they had not
let up until just yesterday!!! So I know this is a
common side effect starting the pill (and I am on the
lowest dose there is), but it really bugs. So I told
my husband that this could possibly be in effect for a
few months with this nonsensical bleeding. To which he
said. "Just go off of it and if you get pregnant, you
get pregnant." Well, granted, it would be another huge
blessing, but I am a bit of a scheduler freak and
prefer our babies to not have the same birthday. I was
really hoping to get rpegnant later this year, not
now. Well, who knows what is up with my body. But, I
am going to stop taking the pill. So here's what I
bought - Cycle Beads http://www.cyclebeads.com/. Yes, I am
going to try the old Calendar method and we'll see
what happens. Really, it doesn't matter either way.
What is meant to be is meant to be. I either have the
baby before my 30th birthday and party like it's 1999
(totally kidding) or I am a big moo cow and I shake my
rump. This assuming that I am having some big "party"
for my 30th. Actually my birthday is really not a consideration.
I was just kind of hoping for over 2 years apart then exactly
2 years apart. But, in all honesty I will be stoked either way.

So technically, I have been off the pill for 7 days
now as those last pills are fakes anyway. I am
prepared with ovulation kits, pregnancy tests and soon
to be in hand Cycle Beads. Now life just has to happen
and we'll roll with it.

Just Life

2006-07-28T13:10:00.000-07:00

A quick summary.

First of all, how cute is my boy? K*^^% (my dear dear
husband). He deserves a nickname here. I have a
million of them at home, but here I'll call him . . .
Mr. Sweets. Just came to me so that's it. So Mr.
Sweets had this picture framed in an I Love Mommy
frame as one of my birthday gifts. Yesterday morning he
happily took that frame with him to a bus. trip in his
bags. Thanks, Mr. Sweets. But, then again, I have the
real thing.

Well, I will begin with saying that my birthday night
dinner was FABULOUS. It was one of those nights that
you would create over and over again. The mood, the
romantic setting, the food (to die for), the wine
(appropriately titled "Summer's") and the company.
Coming from a family who loves food, loves cooking and
loves great restaurants I have experienced excellent
food around the world, and I will say that this was
the BEST experience and restaurant I have been to.

Then - it was Vegas time. My husband - oops, Mr.
Sweets had a last minute business trip that he needed
to go on and wanted us all to go. So we went with
grandma and grandpa. Logan was a model perfect child
from a disney commerical on the way there. I mean it
was like a 5 hour drive. We stopped once to eat. The
whole way there he was so happy and so entertained by
us. I was feeling quite proud of my wonderfully
content child. Then we got there and he was so
engrossed in every person, noise, sculpture -
anything. It was adorable to see things through his
eyes.

Then day 3 came along, it was time to go home and it
was a good thing we planned to. Logan was already
checked out by the time he hit the carseat. The disney
commerical turned into the before story on Nanny 911.
Finally, home came. He was so happy to be home in his
own bed. I love that he loves his home and his room and his
dogs and cat. I love that he loves the life WE gave
him.

After being so happy to be home, afterall we are all
such home bodies, Mr. Sweets finds out that he has to
go back to Vegas this weekend. This time I opted out.
Sorry, baby.

Oh and I want to throw in how proud I am of my boy.

I've been doing the back to work thing a few hours on
Mondays and Wednesdays and I like it. I get stuff
done. I do miss my boy terribly, but I really feel
like this is a good thing for both of us. Like,
yesterday. The babysitter took him out to Barnes and
Nobles to the children's section and then took him to
the pet store. She said he just loved it. He is really so
comfortable with her. She takes him to the park and
has so much fun with him. He is also great with my
parents.

I just love that he is so trusting with the people
that I trust. It's like he just knows that mommy and
daddy give the ok. The babysitter is always amazed at
how well adjusted and good he is. I am too.
He just makes me beam as it is and then when others
recognize it you can help but get an ego boost.

There are so many challenges in this world and when
you have your child looking in your eyes with a big
smile, it erases it all. That face is magic. It is
pure magic.

Ahhh . . . Birthdays.

2006-07-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

Remember when birthdays were like the best day ever. The anticipation of what will happen. What gifts are you going to get? What surprises are in store? Well, at least for me, I used to feel so special on my birthday. And I must say I still do. I have a bunch of messages from family and friends. Most of which are not the greatest at carrying the birthday tune. But, it works.

So today for my birthday I went and had myself a manicure and pedicure. Oh, first I should say that I was awoken by my sweet, warm and fuzzy cuddly husband and wished a very happy birthday. Then we both got up and made breakfast for Logan and got ready for our morning walk with grandpa.

Then I had my wonderful mani/pedi, which I have not had in a year. Then we went for a good old fashioned fattening late breakfast followed by the beach. Ah, the beach. The weather is insanely nice and the beach was so so crowded, but it had a buzz of happy people, happy families and lots of water babies. The beach is just a street down from us and we are only just starting to go. (Must go more frequently) Logan was scared of the waves, but loved the sand, and loved when we held him so he could laugh at the other kids while he stayed dry. It was here that my lovely husband took note of my white legs and tan arms. Oops. Maybe I should wear shorts when we do our morning walks. I'm not going to lie. There were some icky, sandy, sticky, fussy moments (like sand getting in the mouth and diaper), but the smiles and laughter made up for it all.

We came home and since Logan missed his second nap (bad mommy!) we took a bath. Daddy jumped in too and then it was bed time.

And now I await our babysitter, so that we all (my mom and dad included) can go have dinner and a great restaurant. I'm so excited for a glass of wine! Wine after a beachy day. Mmmm.

Ok, that's all.

P.S. I think a picture session will be in order soon.

Logan????

2006-07-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

I say this very emphatically! What happened to my baby? And I mean this in the most grateful of ways. For quite some time now he goes down for his nap like butter (buttah). So so smooth. 3 hours from last wake up and he yawns. Like clockwork. I take him to his room, get the bear, set him in his crib, play a lullaby and leave. He lies down immediately and snuggles his bear right when he gets in bed and he makes a few noises when I leave for oh maybe 5 seconds and then he's out.

He wakes up so so happy. So yesterday was the whole strange 2 hour nap on the babysitter after his already 1 hour nap. This child ahs not taken a 2 hour nap since I don't when. I am happy when he has his 12 hours at night and 2, 1 hour naps. That's the norm. So today, after 12 hours night sleep and 1 morning nap, he goes down for nap #2. He wakes up and just sits in his crib, to which I usually go in and get him. He's not making any noises that would suggest come get me and he usually doesn't anymore. But, I have the video monitor and because I do and see that he is sitting up, I presume nap is over and it's been just over an hour.

But, today, I say let's wait and watch. I wait and within 5 minutes he is back down and getting cozy with the bear. Then he sits up and gets into another position. 10 minutes later, without any peep, he is asleep. Still asleep now after 30 min.

This stuff just doesn't happen. I read all these moms blogs and such about their children's 3 hour naps twice a day and I am in awe. He did do another big poop, but nothing out of the ordinary. He always poops about 3 times a day. He has been in the best mood. So maybe he is really turning into a sleep lover like his mommy and daddy.

May this never end.

First, of all, there is nothing like my boy and the joy he brings me. There is nothing like his laughs, his smiles and his babble. There is nothing like having two arms reach up for you and there is nothing like a 1 year old hug with slobbery lips. But, all of this coupled with a baby who is sleeping this much, makes for an even happier, if not giddily happy baby and that makes my life even more great than I already felt it was.

Sleep . . . priceless.

Stuff like this never happens . . .

2006-07-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

So the twice weekly babysitter that we got, who is unbeleivable and the best of the best and like even better than having my mom (oops did I say that/ scratch that). Anyway, point being - she's great. She came today for the 2 to 6 time that I am to go to work with the hubby. Well today was a lunch with our employees. About 10 of us to celebrate our office manager's birthday and yes, mine. Even though mine is on Saturday (no hint or anything).

So lunch was great. Then we had to go get new cell phones as we were very outdated. Few more office errands and bam the time was gone and it was time to come home. So not much work done, although good errands were accomplished.

Come home and the babysitter says, "Well, I don't know what's going on with Logan . . ." To which I almost freak. "He woke up from his nap at 2:15, didn't want his snack and then fell asleep on me at 3pm and slept till 5pm. Had a huge poop and was good as new. He ate all his dinner and had his bath."

So he obviously had a little stomach thing. But, she said he didn't fuss one bit, but just curled up in her arms and slept. That is so not him. He is so on the go. So my poor muffin really must have needed that poop. even though he already pooped 3 times today.

And I think I know the culprit. How about too many gulps of pool water in swim class today? Mmm hmm. I feel really bad. But, he was dunking and laughing and having so much fun and he did take in quite a bit of water. Water that was also filled with lots of other kids. Anyway, he's good now and playing with daddy. I think we'll try to put him to bed at 7pm since he's already slept so much. But, I think he'll still be tired.

Poor little guy. But, I am happy that he was comfortable with her to just sleep and poop.

I hear tantalizing giggles. I must go join the fun now.

A Loooong Beef

2006-07-12T13:58:00.000-07:00

I live in a town where each shopping center houses a
chiropractor, yoga center, acupuncturist and natural
food market. Many mothers walk around with their
babies in a sling or some sort of carrier. They buy
organic foods for their babies and they make visits to
whatever state is hosting the Dahli Llama.

I have also seen these same vegetarian mothers with
big SUV's at the Del Taco drive thru pushing the gas
pedal with a leather sandal.

I am not about to judge these women as I am one who
feeds my child organic foods while sipping on my
Frappacino Light from Starbucks.

But, I have a beef. We can't be perfect. You can be
aware of things and try your best to do the right
things that can benefit your family and the world.
Still, even the most cost conscience will get ripped
off and the most environmentally aware will fail to
recycle a time or two.

My beef is with those who preach about how committed
they are to being a vegetarian as we sit on their
leather couch and discuss the issue "The cow was already dead."

How committed they are to their contribution of decreasing their carbon dioxide, while
their big SUV engine runs as they talk out the window
to their friends.

I kind of just want to draw out the humility in them.
Make jokes about yourself. You're not perfect and you
may make a contribution, but don't make me feel bad
for not driving a hybrid (although I do really want to get one) and for really liking steak (and I do love cows). But, I am not perfect, nor do I claim to be.

I gave an "environmentalist" friend our exersaucer. I
didn't think that we would one day need it for baby
#2. I just knew that we had used it and Logan was over
it and why not give it to someone who needed it. Well,
I was judged two ways. One, was that I was very
thoughtful and generous to give the gift and two, was
that I was pretty wasteful and spoiled that I had to
have a new one for the next baby and wanted to rid
myself of this "space taker". The later, is not the
case at all. Like, I said, I simply didn't even
rationalize that I might use it again. When I gave it
to them, I was also reminded of how great it was to
recycle, because it is such a waste to have an
abundance of plastic. Again, weren't you on the
mission against these plastic environmental hazards in
the first place and then agreed to take mine so that
you wouldn't have to purchase another?

Ok, here's my other beef. I don't like to get ripped
off. I do like to be aware of spending. But, my
husband and I are also not one to take minutes with
each item at the grocery store to compare bang for the
buck. We simply choose not to and in many cases we
feel it is worth it to us to sometimes pay more for
something for convenience. But, I think it's great
that many people do compare and are cost conscience. So what? It is none of my business. My husband and I are lucky enough that we do not have to be thrifty with things. Does that mean we are wasteful. Are we reckless spenders? No. And so what if we were. We're helping the economy, aren't we?

You walk into a little boutique and pay three times as much for a pair of jeans then you would at Target. You either feel good that you helped out the small
business or feel like a schmuck for getting ripped
off.

These are the batlles that often go through my mind.

Am I messed up? Is something wrong with me? I
seriously overanalyze and obsess about these things. I actually get anxiety over these things quite often.

Ok, this is getting long, but I should have prefaced
why this "beef" has been brought out.

We have a professional relationship with some people
that happen to have a baby the same age as Logan. And
we'd really like to kee it just that way. Professional. We are friendly by all means, but they keep asking and hinting towards hanging out with the babies. And I have to be honest. I am scared. I am the type that needs to crack jokes on occassion about poluting my body with Taco Bell and they are the type to gasp and nearly faint by the mention of Taco Bell's processed food.

They are against immunizations, circumcision and using
bottles. They are pro co-sleeping and think it is
cruel if you don't co-sleep and dairy should pretty
much stay out of the question till the kid's like 18.
I really have no problem with any of it. I, myself have my own issues with vaccines etc. But, I did get my son circumcized and I don't feel bad about it. My son doesn't co-sleep with us and I happen to think that us getting a full nights sleep with some sleep training has made all three of us a really happy family, rather than grumpy family.

It's the forcing it onto us as parents that I have the problem with. I find it interesting to hear other viewpoints and I respect them. Truly I do. But, to make others feel bad about not doing it your way is simply out of the question for me and I just can't see how a friendship could evolve from that.

I am going to be very rash right now. It's much like
religion and politics to me. I have good friends who
are Catholic, Christian, Jewish, Republicans etc. But,
I'm not any of those. I really choose not to get on
the subject with many people because it will almost
always get feelings hurt. I don't like being preached
to. I don't see the point. I don't preach myself.
(Except of course on my very own blog where readers
have the freedom to click me off). But, I feel if you have to preach to someone with an alternate view then maybe you are still not convinced of this beleif yourself.

Anyway, it's not such a big deal with these people. It's just on my mind. And I have to figure out how to draw the line, without, "Oh, we're busy that day." It's just not going to cut it for much longer, ya know?

Ok, that's all for my rant. Ah. That felt good. My lungs just took in and let out a really good breath of oxygen. Gotta love blogging.

I bid adieu.

2006-07-07T13:42:00.000-07:00

So I said goodbye to my joournal on my previous
journaling site - TLOL. I feel sad, but I feel relief.

Not that it was a burden, but it was just time.

I suppose it was like Logan moving into his own room
and out of ours. I remember feeling so nostalgic, but
so ready. I remember the first night that I went to
our bedroom and there was no co-sleeper, no
tip-toeing, no whispering, no white noise machine. It
was me and my husband in a quiet bedroom with lights
on and even the t.v. I felt a bit sad and nostalgic,
but I also felt free.

I loved TLOL and it served a wonderful purpose for me
and now my blogging here will continue to serve it's
purpose. I don't think that I should write because
it's time to "check in" for readers. I need to do it,
because I crave it and I need it and because I am
drawn to it. So I need that one place to do it and
here it is.

RUSH RUSH RUSH

2006-07-02T17:55:00.000-07:00

Sometimes you have those days where you just sit back and enjoy each moment. A shower could last forever, bath time with Logan is endless fun that could last hours and I wouldn't know, morning walks with beautiful weather, chirping birds and a 1 year old barking at all the dogs that go by could go for miles and miles and time stops in the evening so that I can read my friends blogs and journals and a good book.

Then there are those other days. The kind where your cat digs through a clean litterbox hoping to get someone to acknowledge her at 5:30 in the morning so that she can get her morning treat and in doing so wakes up the baby. The kind where no matter how fast you go or how organized you try to be, you're still late to a family outing, still forgot 1 or 2 necessary baby items in the diaper bag and baby missing a nap is fine by you because you get to put him to bed early and though you love the bajangles out of him, bed time can't come quicker on days like these. You look forward to the time where you can just sit at the computer and write or read and just relax the rest of the evening.

Ok, I am talking about my day. And though it was a very nice day. I felt rushed through it. And even after I put Logan to bed, I was still filled with a bit of jitterbug. I couldn't totally let go. I start to read and I get sidetracked and feel rushed. But, for what? He went to bed a 5pm out of total exhaustion and I have what? 4 plus hours to do whatever and one being cleaning the bird cage. So what's the rush?

There is none. But, that's why I came to write. It calms me down. And after being calm I can go and snuggle with my husband and have dinner.

I would really like to write on a daily basis. There are many handwritten journals I have from, I don't know, highschool. Journals through college. Journals of when I lived in Europe. Journals of when I met my husband and of course my internet journals. And I actually go back and read them on occassion.

Sometimes I feel rushed with overwhelming thoughts. So many things that I want to put my attention towards. So many projects in the making and none are completed. (finish book, finish re-write of other book for business, paint deck, clean out office desk, plant flowers . . .) Then there are the others. (call mom you met at Gymboree, call mom you met at park, return email of other mom you met at dr. office, get haircut, get dog's cut, trim Logan's nails . . .)

My mind is like a checklist.

For now, the top of this checklist will be to sit with my husband and have dinner and relax. The rest can wait till tomorrow.

The Jinx Factor

2006-06-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

Why is that when you verbalize how good something is -it goes bad?

I always say how wonderufl my boy is. I am always amazed at how well-behaved he is at restaurants. How he never fusses in stores and how fun he is in all of his classes. I brag to my mom about how I can do anything around the house and he happily follows me along with his push cart and joyfully plays with his toys while I do what I need to do. Lately, I have just been feeling so proud of my easy happy baby.

Then yesterday afternoon rolled around and a button was hit somewhere on Logan's motherboard. He decided to become a whiner. A non-stop whiner. Nothing made him happy. Hugs, kisses, mommy, daddy, dogs, cat, toys, tickles - nothing. Yet, physically there seemed to be nothing wrong. No sign of sickness. Nothing. Just crankiness.

So I figured that maybe he was extra tired for whatever reason. Put him to bed early and it was a breeze. The boy was aching for some sleep. I figured it was just a bad day and after a good nights sleep he will be refreshed and back to normal come morning.

And morning came. We went for our new routine walk with grandpa and he was as happy as can be as usual. Got home and was fone for a bit then became extrememly cranky just before his morning nap. So he took his nap, then had lunch and boom the crankiness emerged yet again.

Then grandpa came over to babysit while my husband and I tended to (something not fun). And a fussy baby was grandpas gift for the afternoon. He only napped a half hour and was ready for dinner and early bedtime again once we got home.

I don't like this one bit! I want to be the obnoxious bragging mom, not the whiny mom with the whiny baby.

Oh and I still indulge in a nighttime breastfeed with him just before bed. My favorite part of the day. But, that's it. He hasn't nursed during the day for awhile. This afternon when we got home, he was so cranky it was the only thing that would calm him and it was for like a half hour. I felt like I had a newborn again. He would not stop and if I unlatched him - a screamfest.

Not sure what this is all about. He gets ton of attention all day, so I can't imagine it being that. Could it be more teeth??? Just don't know. But, I hope this ends soon. I am spoiled by his happy little self. I'm not ready for this whiny stuff and I want to keep my desire for having more kids.

Gosh, it's only been 2 days, what will happen to me if this continues a whole week?

You know you were like this . . .

2006-05-22T10:13:00.000-07:00

At least I was. I cared (still do) what people think of me and I just want to be liked.

Remember high school? Ok, for me high
school was fun. I was neither miss popularity nor was
I the outcast. I was shy. I let out my personality on
stage and school plays and choir concerts and it was
then that I was noticed. I was quiet, but funny (or at
least I tried to be). I was friends with the "in"
crowd and made certain that I was also friends with
the not so "in" crowd. It was pretty easy for me to
bond with someone from the earth club and at the same time, pass notes in chem class with someone who
sneaked cigarettes under the big oak tree at lunch
while painting their nails with black marker. I had
cheerleading friends and choir friends. I pretty much
got along with all the groups. In fact, I was usually just excited enough to have someone who like me.

I was always shy and never initiated the friend thing. I almost always waited for someone to come up and talk to me when I was a kid or to ask me to play. I never did the asking. I was just too shy.

Now, I am in between. Depending on the circumstance, my mood and comfort level, I will be all out and friendly or I will be on the DL - the quiet observer.

What hasn't changed is that I get really excited when I meet a friend that I click with. I don't have many close friends. I have many aquaintences that I see at playgroup or swim class and about 2 really close friends that are like family. But there is something lacking - not married, no kids. And while I am not discriminating and they are ever so much my friends regardless - I still crave a really good girlfriend who's in a similar boat.

I've got all these great women online to talk to, but it's just not the same as grabbing a coffee with the babies and talking dirty diapers and grocery lines.

So this Friday I met some great girls. My style, my boat. Funny and fun. We had a lot in common, lived in same places. Might even share family on the east coast. We're looking into it. Both have babies and are in the same place in our lives.

Anyway, I was all giddy when I was asked for my number. What am I a 13 year old getting asked to the Spring Fling? I know, it's so miniscule, but I was so excited about it. I really ache for a really good girlfriend and I'm hoping some good husband friends as well.

So while I am not desperately waiting by the phone for 9th grade plaid shirted quaterback Gary to call me like he said he would, I am very excited to hang with a new friend.

And just like that . . .

2006-05-13T18:22:00.000-07:00

My son is one year old! I am the mother of a toddler.
Somewhere along the path of questioning every poop and
burp, I became a mother that is, for the most part,
relatively relaxed and oddly enough - ready to do it again.

Well, I am ready and I am not ready. During the
regular routine day I am ready. But, then during the
nostalgic music listening, picture flipping moments I
am not sure if I am ready. I will be so sad or maybe
sad isn't the word, but I will long for the days when
it was just our little boy and I don't mean that in a
bad way. I am overjoyed at the thought of trying to
have another baby and thinking of Logan as a big
brother, but I know that I will think back and miss
those days of it being just me and my boy.

Is it really possible that I will love another baby as
much? I know I will. I know it will be different, but
I just love this little boy so much it seems
impossible to love anything as much.

I know the day will come that I will write how much I
love the new little person, but for right now I will
enjoy every moment of Logan being an only child.

I put all of myself into Logan and it will be strange
to have another little person to share that with.

I am an only child, so I do not have hands on
experience of sharing my parents.

But, about my boy. I just can't beleive that I have this little person who crawls around the bathtub and stands up and plops down and splashes and lays on his belly and dips his face in the water. This from a tiny 7 pound little muffin who was content to just lay in an infant bathseat while his mother freaked out that she would drop the little slippery minnow.

Just one year. All that has happened in this year and bam - he's 1.

This mother's day is such a gift. I am so proud to be "ma ma". I am so proud to change dirty diapers and wipe drooly chins. I am so proud to kiss boo boos and dry tears. I am so proud to get food splashed over my brand new white peasant shirt. I am so proud to have put that smile on that face and the laughter into that soul. I am so proud to have given birth to a precious being 1 year ago. I am a mother and I am so proud of it.

Never speak too soon.

2006-05-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

That's exactly what I did with my last post and it's
partly the reason I have not written in awhile.

Our efforts on the driveway turned out ok, but our
efforts on the concrete in our yard and front pathway,
did not. No, they did not. I thought they did, but as
it continued to dry, it was not a pretty sight. And it
took DH several hours to powerwash it off one square
inch at a time.

So as I stated before, yes as always, we now have to
call in the professionals.

And I will waste no more time on the matter.

On to the next . . .

Not Equipped

2006-05-01T09:45:00.000-07:00

My husband and I have many a times taken on the task of handymen in our home. We’ve attempted plumbing, carpentry, electric and renovation. And the result? An expensive bill from a handyman, plumber, carpenter and electrician.

We are not equipped for this stuff. We may be equipped. It’s the actual use of equipment that leads us to questions like, “Is this a piece of crap or are we stupid?” “So they really think that the majority of the population can figure out how to put this thing together?” “Oh, there’s a water shut off?” “What’s a drill bit?”

The pride I had when I was able to change all the cabinetry hardware and door knobs was immeasurable.

My dad always told me that I best marry a man who knows how to work on cars and fix things in the home, as my attempts, though approached with great enthusiasm, usually ended up in a temper being lost.

Well, my husband came along with the same enthusiasm and that’s about it.

We try, we really do. When the neighbors see us working on a project, they know it’s best to run and hide or they’ll be over to help when something goes wrong. My parents know it’s best to not answer their phone and pretend they were at a movie.

BUT, last night I must say we did a fairly good job at power washing our driveway pavers and the concrete around the pool. And we sealed it all with a wet-look sealer, which I must say turned out quite nice – so far.

I think I was most impressed with us being able to figure out how to use the sprayer.

These things are laughable to most people, but I tell you, while we may excel in other areas – home repair and fixing up is not one of them. And the sad thing is – we really like doing it all even if we are a disaster.

I can decorate. I can paint. I can clean mighty well. My husband is great at maintaining the yard. But when it comes to fixing fences and using drills, the job is always less than satisfactory.

So in our attempts to save money and do it ourselves, we actually spend more then if we just called someone and had it done the right way.

But, we’ll still keep trying.

Turns out, I will be one of those moms.

2006-04-27T20:47:00.000-07:00

"Look at him here. That was the day we brought him home and couldn't figure out how to get him in the carseat."

"Oh and this one here was when he discovered that the cat's tale wasn't meant to be yanked."

"Oh and just look at those chubby legs and that clever grin."

"Was he not the cutest baby you've ever seen?"

The above is dialogue that I will most likely recite as we flash forward to my teenage son and his not good enough girl friend, or maybe so if she agrees with the cuteness of the pictures.

Yeah, I think it is inevitable that I will be that mom. And here's why. I'm already like that. I can't help it. Every little thing he does, whether it is smacking his lips, waving his hand or simply scratching his belly - it is all too cute for words in my book.

I get nostalgic far too often. We watch him sleep on the expensive video monitor my husband had to have (ok, me too) and we get all gooey and mooshy. "Look at him. Just look!" "He's so precious." "I love him so much." "He's a little pumpkin." And we've got so many cutesy nicknames for him, that it is a wonder he knows his real name. It's just a parade of nonsensical terms that make us feel all warm and cozy.

Our boy. I miss him being a baby already. He is growing so fast. He is standing for longer periods of time now and he is pushing his cart and walking while holding on. What is up with that? Did I say it was time? Oh, I guess it's not my decision. I wonder how he'd react to being swaddeled again with a knit hat. Yeah, right. I can't even change his diaper anymore. He is like a little wiggly wrestler with this ongoing laugh. I often worry that I won't be able to contain myself and that I might actually bite that little cheek.

I used to laugh at my mother in law with all the pictures she had to show me of when my husband was a baby. My husband laughed at my pictures and more so at my mom who is still convinced I was a cute baby (so much so that she'll cry and get angry if you say otherwise). I laughed an unknowing laugh. I thought it was cute. I didn't realize till now how serious this is.

My husband and I look at pictures of Logan when he was born, his first weeks, first months and we are already amazed. I can only imagine the emotions that are in store for me as this boy becomes a walking toddler, a kid, a teenager . . . a man.

"The Gas We Pass"

2006-04-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

I felt it was an appropriate title for my first blog here, seeing as how this book by Shinta Cho is sitting right above my desk on a shelf. It's displayed quite nicely in between my college text book, "Mass Media Writing" and "Encycolpedia of Dog Breeds". It also deems appropriate because it represents a time when I was a single gal with my single gal friends in Europe to study abroad. It takes me back to the store I bought it in and the goofball I was. It was all about being funny and random. It was about going around with a bright orange vinyl backpack, a Kangol beret and eating icecream cones with cadbury chocolate flakes, knowing I was living the best of two worlds. In Europe, still partly dependent on my parents for school and food. Traveling with my absolute best friend and doing everything unpredicatable. Or maybe we were too predictable and that's what made it unpredicatable. Anyway, my point is that my life almost ten years ago is nothing compared to my life today, except for the fact that I still love to plop myself on the sofa with some snacks and a good movie or, yes, reality show.

Today I am a wife, a mother, and a small business owner. I didn't dream of meeting the man I did. I thought my dreams were of high standards as they were. But, when I met my husband, they exceeded my hopes. I didn't expect to have a true best friend as my husband as well. Together we struggled to make ends meet and took all the advice we could from my parents. We bought a small condo before we were married and from there have moved up twice into a home we love. But, we'll move again, because that is the nature of my husband. He will keep working and striving for more and more and this is something I love about him. He is a dreamer and more importantly, he makes these dreams come true. To make a long story short, my husband and I met in a class just after college. He was fresh from Alabama, sporting the cutest hint of a southern accent and some of it still remains even being in California. He moved out to California with barely any money and a dream. To be successfull. And that, he became. I have copies of letters that his mom gave me, letters to Bill Gates claiming that one day he will take over his empire. It's very humorous, especially coming from an 11 year old. I don't believe I knew who Bill Gates was at that time. I was more interested in Corey Haim and the movie Lucas. But, that's besides the point. So with our new relationship, came new dreams. I think we had a plan in the first two months of meeting. Together we started a business and it has grown and grown and it is something that we are so proud of. The best part of my husband is his sensitivity and emotions. He is so easily touched and it makes me love him more and more.

Ok, so let's move onward. About a year ago (it will be a year in about a week), we achieved our biggest success thus far. Our baby boy, Logan. I have learned more about life and about myself through the miracle of this boy. I used to hear the expression, "I love you so much it hurts." Never more has it rang true. It is actually ridiculously painful and I experienced this the moment he was born.

Wait, should I have stated why I am writing this blog? Ok, well first of all, I have had a blog before, about two years ago, but it was for an entirely different reason. I have a book that I have been writing for far too long and I was hoping that by blogging I would jumpstart myself each day and get it finished, but I allowed many things to get in the way of me finishing this already almost finished book. I am sure that the first is fear. And the others, would be having a business and then getting pregnant and having a child. They are great excuses, right? Um, no.

Anyway, I have decided to start fresh. I want a new blog and I want to write about anything. Whether it be my 2 dogs, my cat, my bird and oh I forgot to mention we have fish too.

But, my guess is that since my life is mainly construed of building blocks, oatmeal, finger foods and sippy cups, I will most likely be writing about my life as a mom and a wife.

So whether I actually do finish this book or achieve any other goals on my ever so long list - I'd like to document all of the inbetween stuff here and if I get some great readers out of it and discover some great blogs out of it, I will assume my quest successfull.

Until then, I will leave my readers (if there are any) with this:

"If you try too hard to hold your farts, your stomach may hurt, you could get dizzy or you could get a headache. So don't hold them in - pass that gas!" - excerpt from The Gas We Pass, The Story of Farts by Shinta Cho